61º ~ hazy sun after days and days and days of rain and clouds and below-normal temps ~ water-sodden but enjoying the extra open-window season as temps refuse to rise
Excerpt from an old, untitled collage.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve learned, again, that putting creativity first is hard. It is hard because I give 100% to almost everything else in my life that I label “work,” and I worry about letting others down before I worry about letting myself down. As a result, when I do have time to put toward my own creativity, I am too burned out to lift brain or pen or images. Without thinking, as each day unfolds, I choose to prioritize the work of teaching, of advising & supporting my students, of coordinating a creative writing program, of directing a conference. Here’s what the voice in my head always says, “Just get this grading done, this newsletter written, this curriculum form filled out & submitted…and then you can write with a clear brain.” But it never works that way. Instead, I expend valuable energy and time on a project that saps my desire to do anything afterward but turn on Netflix and succumb to streaming.
Shifting habits, shifting paradigms, shifting brain patterns, all require mindfulness, given how quickly the brain snaps to certain decisions based on years and years of conditioning. Mindfulness means creating a pause before starting on any task. It means “waking up” and “checking in” at various points of the day to assess whether or not I’m living my values.
Now that the pressure cooker that is the end of the semester has let out all its steam and cooled, I am, again, resolved to shift. Over the last few days, I’ve created one new collage (although it isn’t glued down yet) and fleshed out two drafts of poems that have been languishing in my journal for a week. I also sent a batch of poems out to a journal for consideration. For these acts I congratulate myself.
In the coming days, I hope you, reader, find the time and the means to prioritize your core values, whatever they may be.
